My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I smell stomach acid.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
