I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
