I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
