if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
