yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
