She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
