got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
