I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
