My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
