You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
