Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
