I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
