nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
