dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
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