have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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