I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
