the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize