I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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