Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
