i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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