it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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