yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize