Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
