Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
