I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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