Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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