I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
