Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Randomize
