were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
