this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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