Cold hands, warm shart.
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
