Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
