we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
