I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
