My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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