just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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