Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
