Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
