I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
