Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
