I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Randomize
