When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
