my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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