He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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