I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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