just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Are we still banned from the library?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
