the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
