babies were throwing up all over the place
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
