You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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