She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
