new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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