im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
