Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
