I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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