I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
