what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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