your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
And then my night got REAL pukey
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
