I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
