When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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