He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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