girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
