we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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