just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize