Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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