i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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