somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
