Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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