I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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