she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
