Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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