New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
