All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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