So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
