All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
