Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
