AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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