Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
There's even glitter on my cock...
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