I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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